Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

An Experiment

>> Thursday, March 31, 2011

So, Relax Max on Slap and Tickle suggested I write a story about a picture as he did. He was suggesting, I think, stealing a picture from my many favorite manga, but I know too much about the stories behind the pictures. It would corrupt me. So, in keeping with that, I'll just use the picture he used for his story, whatever it is. Instead of running a dime novel, though, I'll go for a stand alone story.

"My God, man! Do you know what you've got here?"

"Who the hell are you? And what were you saying to my sister? Marian! Marian! Was this creep bothering you? Damn it, you bastard! Why is she crying?"

"She's too sensitive, can't take the truth. Given the quality of her skin, the last thing she should be doing is crying. Really, honey, you'll look like a hag before forty if you don't do something about your skin."

"Bwaah! I'm going to find a teacher! You big meanie! Will you beat him up for me, Will?"

"If he doesn't get his hands off my face. What is your problem, asshole?"

"Your skin, on the other hand, is fabulous! So soft and your pores! Do you know what Britney Spears would give for your pores?"

"Let go, you freak. Let go my leg!"

"And your hair! I have a stylist friend, Lina, who would squeal with joy to run her fingers through your hair."

"You'll be squealing in something if you don't bloody well get your hands off my face and out of my hair. What's wrong with you?"

"My dear boy, I'm makeup artist to the stars. Your face couldn't be in better hands."

"Look here, nutcase, the only reason I haven't knocked you down the stairs is because I think that would actually kill you and I don't want to have to explain it. Let me go."

"So brutal. Really, so out of keeping with your beautiful skin and hair. You should be gentle, patient."

"Killing you is looking better and better."

"It's not a joke. What do you use on your face, your hair?"

"Soap."

"I'm serious. You have to take care of that skin. Do you want to end up looking like Brad Pitt?"

"Actually, that doesn't sound too bad as long as I'm not saddled with a dozen kids. You have five seconds to let me go before I start swinging."

"Believe me, handsome, you don't want his skin. Get within five feet and he looks like a troll. Hmm. You could use some mascara, though."

"That's it!"

[Punch, tumble, tumble, tumble.]

Apparently, the story I had in mind was all in dialog.

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Classic: Breathing Life Into a Character

>> Monday, May 31, 2010

More classic writing stuff as I kickstart my brain from it's brush with my son's near death experience.

I am not a morning person. I, in fact, eat morning people for breakfast, at least the really perky ones who say, at the crack of dawn, “Isn’t it a lovely morning?” If you hear me crunching at 7 am, somebody was a little too peppy for my tastes and had to die. OK, not really (and, sis, you’re safe since you don’t overwhelm me with peppiness).

What’s this got to do with rocket science? Nothing, but I could feel eyes rolling back into heads all over the place and decided to take a side trip into something else I love: writing characters.

I talk and will talk much more about science and fantasy, but I’m really all about characters. Science fiction and fantasy are just my favorite settings (which is another topic I’ll probably write about), but the key element is characters.

This may not make much sense, since many of my characters seem larger than life (as is often the case with fantasy and science fiction). What would I have in common with a muscular short woman who can shoot errors with Olympian precision and swim under water for 100 m? Well, she’s still human. And, when making characters there are three things I try always to remember: (a) they’re human and therefore have flaws and shortcomings, (b) they have to grow or the story stagnates and (c) nothing makes a character as approachable as humor.

Admittedly, that last is mostly for my own entertainment, but if I don’t like what I write, no one else will either. I think that’s the mistake with much of today’s literature. Everyone’s too good at everything. Let’s face it, no one can do it all. If you’re good at twenty different things, let’s face it, you’re unlikely to be the foremost expert in any of them. And if you are the foremost expert in something, you probably suck at any number of other things. So, give your person some flaws. Perhaps they’re physical - a limp, a “handicap”, bad skin. Perhaps they’re mental: absentmindedness, dyslexia, retardation. Perhaps they’re psychological: depression, phobias, extreme jerk syndrome. Not only do they give characters dimension, they enable the reader to identify with the character, whether they’re a bad guy or a good one.

Growth is another things too often overlooked. Sometimes, the growth is implied, but not clear. I can’t speak for the world at large, but a good book changes me. I like to see the events I’ve enjoyed change the character, too (preferably for the better). Not only does it make for a better story, but it makes the reader and characters companions, working their way through the adventure together. And it ties back to the flawed characters. When you’re perfect, it’s hard to grow.

For me, though, humor is my favorite method for seeing people quickly. A very short excerpt that’s funny can make a character come alive in ways that seven paragraphs describing the exact shade of hair or details on her life can’t. It’s one reason I depend so much on dialog, but it can be done without.

Here’s an example of a character I wrote, and, as you can see, Lofar shares my feelings on getting up early:

Lofar stopped suddenly, for no apparent reason. “Well,” he said to himself, evidently as confounded as any passerby would be that he was there, “I’m here. Now what?”

As usual, the mysterious voice that brought him here was silent. Lofar sighed. He should be used to that by now. He took a moment to turn on his heel and survey his surroundings from every side. Aye, just as he thought. He was in the middle of the forest, in the dark hour before dawn with only a ghost of the moon glowing behind the thin clouds, and he was cold, covered with dew and shrouded in pre-morning mist.

Lofar shivered in his worn linen cloak, which wasn’t much protection against the early morning chill. Why did he leave his uncomfortable, but warm, cot at that ridiculous hour? The voice, content to have gotten him there, didn’t appear to feel the need to explain itself, for there was no reply. “You know I’m going to get a beating for leaving without permission again. I don’t mind—much—but I would like to know why. I know it is of no concern to you, but he’ll surely ask me and, even if I don’t feel inclined to tell him, I would like to know: why?”

Like a breath of wind, he heard only in his mind, ‘You will.’ Whoever his impetus that called him, she surely had a sexy voice. That, of course, explained how she could rouse him from a deep slumber, since nothing else had ever worked.

Lofar, who has almost nothing in common with today’s modern man, has something we can identify with: sometimes, he wakes up and/or does something without knowing why. I’d like to think I’m not the only one this happens to and I’m betting at least some of my readers will know the feeling. And,by knowing the feeling, they start to know Lofar.

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Sarcasm

>> Sunday, March 21, 2010

I've mentioned before that I love dialog. Well, I do. I think it's the sarcastic streak I have in me. I read something snarky, write something sarcastic and I tickle myself terribly.

If you glance at my favorite authors at the blog posts I did on all three blogs a few days back, you'll probably note more than my fair share of humor and sarcasm. There's a reason for that.

I love it.

I love clever comebacks and cruel wit. I love sarcasm and irony and humor. I love people who aren't afraid to say what they think in a clever way. I like when pretensions are squelched or people predisposed to prejudge have their expectations turned on end.

Heck, I live for that.

I read some of that today (Georgette Heyer) and read more reading through one of my own novels, looking for flaws.

Good stuff, if I say so myself.

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