An Experiment

So, Relax Max on Slap and Tickle suggested I write a story about a picture as he did. He was suggesting, I think, stealing a picture from my many favorite manga, but I know too much about the stories behind the pictures. It would corrupt me. So, in keeping with that, I'll just use the picture he used for his story, whatever it is. Instead of running a dime novel, though, I'll go for a stand alone story.

"My God, man! Do you know what you've got here?"

"Who the hell are you? And what were you saying to my sister? Marian! Marian! Was this creep bothering you? Damn it, you bastard! Why is she crying?"

"She's too sensitive, can't take the truth. Given the quality of her skin, the last thing she should be doing is crying. Really, honey, you'll look like a hag before forty if you don't do something about your skin."

"Bwaah! I'm going to find a teacher! You big meanie! Will you beat him up for me, Will?"

"If he doesn't get his hands off my face. What is your problem, asshole?"

"Your skin, on the other hand, is fabulous! So soft and your pores! Do you know what Britney Spears would give for your pores?"

"Let go, you freak. Let go my leg!"

"And your hair! I have a stylist friend, Lina, who would squeal with joy to run her fingers through your hair."

"You'll be squealing in something if you don't bloody well get your hands off my face and out of my hair. What's wrong with you?"

"My dear boy, I'm makeup artist to the stars. Your face couldn't be in better hands."

"Look here, nutcase, the only reason I haven't knocked you down the stairs is because I think that would actually kill you and I don't want to have to explain it. Let me go."

"So brutal. Really, so out of keeping with your beautiful skin and hair. You should be gentle, patient."

"Killing you is looking better and better."

"It's not a joke. What do you use on your face, your hair?"

"Soap."

"I'm serious. You have to take care of that skin. Do you want to end up looking like Brad Pitt?"

"Actually, that doesn't sound too bad as long as I'm not saddled with a dozen kids. You have five seconds to let me go before I start swinging."

"Believe me, handsome, you don't want his skin. Get within five feet and he looks like a troll. Hmm. You could use some mascara, though."

"That's it!"

[Punch, tumble, tumble, tumble.]

Apparently, the story I had in mind was all in dialog.

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Fun with Dialog

Nathan Bransford wrote a very fine post on the elements of good dialog and I encourage everyone to read it. As a dialog aficionado, I can fully endorse all of his main points. In fact, I was quite pleased - I feel I write dialog like that (though, of course, I could be deluded.)

The one place I differ with Mr. Bransford (and many others) is in the use of verbs more descriptive than "said" or other descriptive phrases. I always have. I've been hearing this "rule" for some time, but I just won't do it.

The "no-saidism" camp's position is that people don't read so-and-so said anyway so putting something else in the dialog tag doesn't buy anything. What's more, it can be disruptive if you overdo it. I absolutely agree with the last part of this (and personally suspect that's the real reason why this "rule" was instituted - more about that later).

Yet I am not of this camp. There are a number of reasons for this.

One is that I DO read the saids. I note when the tags use said or use something else, andI have (frequently) become bored or found the dialog go stale because all that's going on is talking. And I should warn the unwary that I'm a very dialog heavy girl.

Another is that I learned to write by studying the authors I liked best. And, as I have discovered about a number of "rules" many consider sacred, those authors tend to use language descriptively to support the actual dialog, much like I try to do myself. Sometimes creative use of "saidisms" not only adds color and drama, but also humor and charm. Georgette Heyer's clever use of "saidisms" provide some of her most memorable and hilarious moments.

In my opinion, dialog needs something besides the words themselves. Oh, I know, the dialog itself should do all the talking except . . . in real life, it doesn't. In real life, body language is a bigger part of communication than the words are (as my non-talking son proves daily). That's why plays aren't performed by actors standing in place on a stage, speaking monotonically. Except, with a book, we have to replace the actors, the movement, the inflection, the nuances with words. If we forgo: shouted/muttered/breathed/demanded/scoffed/snarled/moaned/gasped/hissed/bellowed/mused/chuckled/whispered/shrieked/tittered/etc. you have to express all that another way, probably using far more words. Or you can skip it and all those nuances, those distinctions will be lost.

So, if it's so good, why is there such a movement against it?

Well, because, if done clumsily, it's extremely distracting. Even the best actual dialog can get clunky and bogged down if not belied with descriptors that are nearly right but not quite. Or worse, so dramatic and overblown that they become laughable even when they shouldn't be.

Know you're language, know your nuances, don't get carried away . . . otherwise you might just want to stick with said after all.

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Sarcasm

I've mentioned before that I love dialog. Well, I do. I think it's the sarcastic streak I have in me. I read something snarky, write something sarcastic and I tickle myself terribly.

If you glance at my favorite authors at the blog posts I did on all three blogs a few days back, you'll probably note more than my fair share of humor and sarcasm. There's a reason for that.

I love it.

I love clever comebacks and cruel wit. I love sarcasm and irony and humor. I love people who aren't afraid to say what they think in a clever way. I like when pretensions are squelched or people predisposed to prejudge have their expectations turned on end.

Heck, I live for that.

I read some of that today (Georgette Heyer) and read more reading through one of my own novels, looking for flaws.

Good stuff, if I say so myself.

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