Just a Bit of Good News

After a hiatus nearly as long as my eldest daughter's life, I'm going to be in print again with a fiction. At the prompting of my sister, the redoubtable Shakespeare, I entered a short story contest with Story Quest Magazine. Admittedly, I haven't been writing many short stories, recently, but I had been going through the ones I had trying to spiff 'em up a little. And the "speculative" part of the contest was right up my alley.

Well, I didn't win, but one of my stories did make it as a finalist and will be published in this winter's issue of SQ Magazine, so cool beans for me.

Feel free to get yourself a copy (I presume all the finalists and winners will be in there). I'll be doing the same.

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Never Too Old To Learn

Tired of squirming yet? I know, for many people, the whole topic ("boys love") is pretty squirmy. I think that's one reason I jumped on it. Topics that make us uncomfortable, that make us squirm, as it were, are too often glossed over or ignored, leaving them open for ridicule, stigmatizing, indifference, stereotyping, and, frequently, abuse and ostracism.

Admittedly, some squirmy topics are purposely picked up and brought center stage to highlight important issues by different writers and such. Sometimes, when done with a deft hand, such treatment is quite effective. When done with a heavy hand or in over-the-top ways, they tend to work against their own goals. But I digress. I wanted to pursue a topic that was a little uncomfortable for me until I understood it better, that maybe made me squirm a little. It's easy to become complacent in one's own little perspective, looking out at the world through a single set of lenses and thinking you see things clearly. Until you've tried on a few sets of specs, though, you're just fooling yourself.

It wasn't just the differences in romantic characters here, either, or the similarities I didn't expect. Many of these are shorter works, stories told in a handful of chapters, if not just one, as opposed to the volumes of chapters I'm used to to portray a moving story. That was instructional in and of itself.

I'm grateful I pursued a little different perspective and hope to use what I learned in my novels.

What did I learn?

(a) That my view, that real love is about devoting yourself to the happiness of someone else besides yourself, is not gender specific. Jealousy, to an extent, is fine for romance, but to the point of ownership? - well, there you lost me. So that really didn't change, except that I saw some ways I never thought of before to be romantic. So, cool beans.

(b) I still hate rape. I don't care how prevalent it is in this or that literature. You will not hear any of my characters being forced, gasp, "No! Wait! Stop! Please!" and snuggling up to their rapist later. I know it happens plenty in today's heterosexual romances, too. Still hate it and you won't find it in my books (unless I"m killing the rapist later). I will remember, however, that not everything that looks like rape really is. Motivation does matter (though perhaps not as much as some people think it does).

(c) People can have sex in the craziest positions, places, and times. Seriously, wow. Doubt, admittedly, that that will be a key element in my writing, however.

(d) A story must be more than a showcase for episodes of sex or even for a romantic hookup. Real love is frequently physical, but rarely just physical. If it's all about the love story of two people, but we don't really know who they are or care for them, if it doesn't affect the world around them (or isn't affected by the world around them), chances are it's pretty dull. I knew this already, but it was amazing how two different stories with similar story lines could vary in appeal, enjoyment, and overall readability. Even if the art was inversely proportional in quality to the story. 

(e) Characters, characters, characters. I knew this too, but there's a world of difference in the importance and impact of what happens to characters you're invested in, that you really like, and ones who leave you cold. Even if you don't always like what they do.

(f) No one said you get to choose who you love. Sometimes who you love is damn inconvenient, utterly hopeless, entirely inappropriate, or downright embarrassing . You might never act on that love, either for fear for yourself or in consideration of the object of your affection, but that does not make one's love less compelling or painful or powerful.

(g) No one said you get to choose who you love. Even, sometimes, if the one you love is entirely bad for you, it doesn't mean you can't love them, don't love them, won't love them. I've always been fairly harsh on women who let themselves be abused, at least if they had children. Seeing couples where children aren't a factor reminded me that, even if you leave to save yourself, that doesn't mean you necessarily stop loving someone, no matter how unhealthy that person is for you.

(h) A real connection between people is important for any kind of character interaction (not just romance, though definitely for romance). Stories are more interesting if there are other differences and challenges to overcome (personality, economical, social status, etc.). A story with people who respect each others' work or capabilities, who use those skills to do more than just romp in the bedroom, but interact effectively with the world at large, is far more rewarding than tossing too mismatched people in a room together and calling it love or even friendship. And you have to see those characteristics and strengths, that connection, not just be told the connection exists.

(i) People who are very quirky/off nominal pairings can make for extremely compelling stories. I read one author who's drawing style I don't care for in the slightest, even after reading more than a dozen works. So, why did I read a dozen works? I found them incredibly compelling. Some supernatural, some so freaking original I never saw it coming, some unbelievably sweet. Most were quite short but I found the universally ugly characters won me over time and time again often within a couple pages. I cared about them and always rooted for these often extremely weird couples. I've got more to read and what fodder for livening things up for my own work it is! Proof positive that every love story ain't the same.

(j) Very effective portraits of a characters personality can be drawn (with words in my case) very quickly, often with only a few tiny acts, little things that say something important about who a character really is. It's true when they're drawings, too, but often the gestures and expressions, the little acts, were far more telling than the conversation. You don't need pages of description. I knew that as a short story writer. It's easy to lose sight of that as a novelist, but that quick portrait can be just as effective in long prose (even if, for some characters, who want to study them and learn them over time). I needed the reminder.


(k) Life is messy. If you make it too tidy, it either feels contrived or dull. Neither is good in a story.


(l) Humor makes everything better. I have quite a list of favorites, and the quality you'll find most frequently if you troll through those favorites is funny. Extra points for those mangas that can laugh at themselves.

I enjoyed it, overall. I love to learn, you know. I wonder what I'll stumble into next.

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Getting Physical

So, two people of whatever age have become romantically interested in each other, specifically two men have acknowledged this interest to each other. Now, as I'd mentioned in previous posts, if these two guys are already gay and know it, they will probably move on to the next steps with minimal fanfare. They might even have travel sized bottles of lube or condoms in one or more pockets. But that's not particularly interesting to my way of thinking or that different from a similarly armed heterosexual couple comfortable with sex. And yes, I will be talking about it.

I'm more interested in what goes through the mind of someone(s) who never thought he was gay facing up to what that means. I mean, if physicality wasn't any part of the issue, hanging out all day and all evening, every evening, probably wouldn't even raise an eyebrow. That's the up side to same gender friendships (and some heterosexual friendships, actually). In fact, that's one thing that surprised me when I first read yaoi. I've read a LOT of shoujo manga and I can count on one hand the number that have moved beyond kissing and hand-holding, maybe some light groping, to sex. I've now read a LOT of yaoi (written, ironically enough by women for women, remember, just like shoujo) and I can count on one hand the number of manga that have NOT overtly including sex.  Which argues physicality is a key element.

 (No, boys and girls, I won't be putting up any actual sex shots, I swear, just pictures that illustrate my points on how complex the topic is, like this one that's quite pertinent from a practical little one shot called [inexplicably] Wild and Strawberry [link has sexually explicit pictures] by Suzuki Tsuta. But, again, I will be talking about it.)

But, whereas reference is plentiful on what men and women do together, including most sex education courses, and the jigsaw fits neatly, that kind of information is not as readily available and/or things may not be so intuitive for men, even men who have experience with women. There are several key differences known to even the most reticent and I would guess that your young man who'd never really considered male-to-male coupling before would be a bit daunted, quite probably a whole lot embarrassed, and potentially scared out of his mind.

It's not without it's up side, of course, aside from pleasure. One of the reasons why sex with girls is a "big deal," particularly among the younger sets just getting their hormones revving, is that pregnancy is a very real concern. Disease is, too, but, let's face it, most people don't think it can happen to them (which is, sadly, how they get spread), else the pill would not be such a popular method. A girl's got to be (or at least ought to be) careful who she, eh, spreads her legs for because, even today, the bulk of the onus and responsibility for the end results she bears. That particular boogeyman, getting someone pregnant, does not apply in homosexual cases. Disease, however, still does.

Now, there are many that assume gay sex is "just" anal sex, but, according to [warning: link has sexual explicit pictures] Wikipedia, it is far from ubiquitous (~2/3 of gay men) with various alternatives I will not describe here but that are mentioned in passing on the link provided. You are free to do (or not do) your own research.

From Yajuu de Hatsukoi [warning: link has sexual explicit pictures]by Yamato Nase

But it's a non-trivial thing. Places on your own body you probably never thought of anyone but your wife touching (and places you never expected/wanted anyone to touch) will be handled, even licked by someone else, another man. Men can (and have) been overpowered by other men and that's a real fear, too. As someone on the receiving end of sex, it's frightening to give up so much for trust. I don't regret it, but I can tell you, even with everything fitting together and hormones raging, my first experiences (yes plural) were very painful. Technique matters. Fear and anticipation matter, too. Ditto for trust.

That's even more true with something as invasive as anal sex. Technique and lubrication are considered key elements in the comfort of this technique even it's not your first time. And, and I've had no luck finding an answer in the yaoi, I've never figured out how one decides who is going into whom the first time. Is there a special formula? Does someone call dibbs? Is this a source of consternation and friction early on for many new couples? I'm not being flippant; I'm honestly curious. I would think the experience far more daunting for the never-did-it-before receiver than it would for his partner who is largely doing a variation on what is done with women. But if the first time's botched royally, I would expect it would be challenging for either partner to continue, at least together.

You know, that's a lot of pressure. More so than premature ejaculation or not getting your girl off, though perhaps on kilter with not making her first experience painful (though, from what I've heard from friends, most girls don't remember anyone being particularly considerate). The partners involved have to have an extraordinary level of trust and commitment (however physical that is) if they want the pairing to be successful over the longer hall. Talk about performance pressure!

Why talk about this? Because this is something I really haven't addressed before. Physicality is important for male-female romances, too, but it's different and distinct with different requirements, different hangups and different challenges. What's the same is almost as fascinating as what's different.

From a character interaction standpoint, the prospect, anticipation, and follow-through on something like this is outside anything I've written about or thought about. It seems earth-shattering to me, making me very grateful to be a girl, and gives me all kinds of ideas on how to bring intensity of feeling forward in my own writing. The stakes. The responsibilities. The impact.

Damn, I love to learn.

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Whole Different Ballgame

Man, time flies. Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't let so much time pass between blog posts. Last post, I was pointing out just how much more some poor slob has at stake acknowledging (to himself) and then communicating his passion for his fellow fellow to said, um, fellow.

I went over it in some length about how it's unlikely you'd make a confession to someone who wasn't important, how that importance, that drive to communicate it just made it that much more to lose and how drastically the recipient (if he's not already established gay) could potentially react to the disclosure of featuring in a buddy's romantic fantasies.

Let's face it, there's a lot more at stake from "You're cute. Wanna go out?" to "I've tried and tried but I can't stop thinking of you. I love you and can't keep this to myself any longer," even if we don't add the gender element. So, yeah, being the man to man up and admit his feelings is no easy task nor one, I'd think, a man would take lightly except in the right environment (like say a gay bar where, hopefully, his odds of finding a prickly non-gay recipient are less).

But what about the other guy on the receiving end of this confession. Let's assume, for one moment that he's not an acknowledged homosexual (though he might be quietly aware of that particular sexual preference) and assume he's not the kind to kill or beat the ever living crap out of someone just because he admitted to caring about him, because, in either case, minimal soul-searching is required. If he's an acknowledged homosexual, he can answer with a similar freedom a heterosexual would have if the confessor were a different gender. If he's answering with violence, again, little thinking is required.

But, between those extremes are a great many situations, many of them uncomfortable. The recipient (Call him Sho just 'cause) for "Jin's" confession could be someone who always considered himself a regular heterosexual guy - could readily be a regular heterosexual guy who's just discovered his friend or a acquaintance likes him and perhaps lusts after his body. Let's assume there's no inclination (at all) for Sho to reciprocate. That's a whole world of hurt you're laying down, but, more than that, you're probably doing a good bit of soul searching on why your friend was gay without you knowing and what it says about you that he found you appealing. I suspect some people could move past the confession and maintain a healthy relationship, but I'd also suspect a large percentage of such people in that position would never look at their friend the same way again. A sad ending to our story, but only a couple of degrees more traumatic than its heterosexual counterpart.

Similarly, if Sho happens to be aware of his own homosexual inclinations (either bisexual or homosexual will work), again he can respond with sensitivity but without much more impact than a heterosexual encounter. One would think that the confessor (Jin) might have an inkling of this and have less to lose as a result, but that might not be the case.

What really gets challenging, however, is when Sho has never considered himself anything but a heterosexual person and yet can't quite dismiss Jin's interest out of hand, for various reasons: the friendship is so valuable/essential that he's willing to pursue more rather than lose it, curiosity, similar feelings he'd not been able to bring himself to acknowledge, etc. All that soul searching Jin had to go through before he could confess, on what his passion said about him as a man, now Sho's got to go through a crash course if he's not going to refuse Jin out of hand (which is almost undoubtedly his gut reaction). He isn't going to have the leisure to consider and work through it indefinitely - Jin is waiting for an answer, with 'bated breath no less. He's going to have to think about what people would say if they found out (because two guys "dating" is easier to spot than one guy with a crush).

Oh, and one more thing. Now they're both going to have to think about the implications of pursuing romance with another guy, the physical side of it. When it was just the dream of one guy, that aspect may have figured prominently (depending, possibly, on his experience level) or been too far beyond his expectations to have figured in it. If both guys are interested in moving forward, however, it's potentially both a bigger deal and a lesser deal than it would be if one were a woman.

And I'll probably talk about that next time, whenever next time is.

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Upping the Stakes

If talking about homosexuality gives you the willies, be warned. I'll be talking about it. On the other hand, maybe you could learn something. I am.

This is one my posts exploring what I'm learning from exploring yaoi manga, which could be seen as boy-on-boy romantic smut (as opposed to "bara" which is generally less romantic and more about the physicality, or so I've read). So, what have I been learning as I delve into a different world, a different environment? Or at least, one type of portrayal of that kind of world? Well, I need to add a couple of disclaimers. What I've been reading, called "yaoi" is actually male-on-male romantic manga generally written by and for women and girls to read. So, one might expect there to be marginal realism. However, it still has given me pause to consider things that are the same and things that are potentially different with regards to a gay couple.

Today, I'm noting the difference in magnitude in confessing a heterosexual romantic interest and confessing a homosexual interest.

Now people around the world don't necessarily have a love confession like is often portrayed in many kinds of manga: "Hey, I really like you. Would you go out with me?" but it really struck me how much more is on the line for a gay guy in that situation. You like someone, even love someone who might be your best friend in the world or someone you barely know that you saw and instantly fell for or just someone you were drawn to.

First, you have to come to grips with it yourself. If you knew you were already inclined that way, preferring men to girls, the fact that you love another man is unlikely to cause you untold soul-searching. True, every overt move toward another man is an opportunity for your preferences to become known (and stigma still attaches to this sort of thing in most societies), but you have probably already come to terms with who you are.

But what if, as frequently happens in what I've been reading, you either haven't known (or acknowledged) your preferences or, as it could be, you don't necessarily have a preference so much as a connection to a certain person who, for whatever reason, calls to your own soul. Maybe you've always dated women without understanding why it never really worked for you, why you couldn't become bone-deep passionate about them? Maybe you don't have a natural preference for a particular gender, but just particular people. Maybe sex has always been impersonal before, gender notwithstanding. But, if you never thought of yourself as a homosexual, before you've confessed to anyone, you have to come to terms with how you feel, what, if anything, that says about you, what that does to your own view of yourself as a man.

Ideally, I'd hope, you realize it doesn't change that, but then it's easy for me to say that. It's not a question I'll likely have to deal with, given that I've pushed three people out of my body. But there's something to be said for how society has inflicted stereotypes and concepts on people. There's nothing in the world that keeps someone homosexual from being a talent or capable athlete or soldier or policeman to teacher or delinquent. It doesn't make you more tough or less so, doesn't determine your favorite color. It doesn't make you a threat to your "buds" who are just friends, or, in fact, to anyone else. In fact, it doesn't really mean a thing except that you love people that come with the same equipment (or at least one person who does).

(There's a big controversy, apparently, because yaoi often portrays this ambiguously without making clear that people are "born" one way or the other. I'm not going to tell anyone gay they were or weren't born that way, but I'm also not going to tell someone else who says they aren't that they were. Not sure there's one and only one answer for everyone. But I don't know; I'm not gay)

That's one of the biggest differences I've been thinking of when comparing the realization you love someone to heterosexual relationships. Even if a relationship is completely inappropriate or impossible for any number of reasons, loving someone of the opposite sex doesn't impart the same level of soul-searching an unsuspecting young man would face when he realizes that the person he loves most, that he wants to touch sexually or to have in his life, is another man.

Girls, you'll be pleased to know that men, if manga is any indication, are no better at communicating with each other than they are communicating with us, at least if romance is involved.

Now, let's say our protagonist (we'll call him "Jin" which is often used to denote "man" or person in Japanese compound words) has wrestled with his soul and come to terms with the realization that he loves another man, that, despite trying to pretend it's friendship or kinship or some other feeling, he is sexually and/or romantically attracted to another man. What does Jin do?

A girl in that situation, or a boy, might be thinking how they could get that feeling reciprocated, or about finding a way to ask the other person out, or be too shy to say anything. But note how much less they have to lose to make a move, whether subtle or overt. A boy can ask a girl out and, if she refuses, that doesn't make it the end of their relationship. They can still be friends or coworkers or whatever. In fact, it's so painless (relatively speaking) that a heterosexual doesn't have to reserve asking someone out until he or she is desperately in love. He or she can ask if someone's just cute or has a nice smell or strikes one the right way. In fact, the less one is already invested in it, the less of a risk it is.

But for Jin who loves another guy, particularly if the guy in question is not overtly gay, it's considerably stickier. If the "guy" is not someone he is deeply attached to, someone he truly loves, why would you risk it? And risk you do, even if your heart isn't on the line. With attitudes as they are, you could get the crap beaten out of you for speaking your heart. Even someone who might not be bothered to find a good friend gay might react violently to find himself the object of affection. Even if violence doesn't break out, ugly words readily could and you've now made clear your sexual orientation to someone who might very well feel antagonistic; i.e. you've take the chance on it all going public (which can ruin someone, even today).

But even if that doesn't happen, even if the object of affection is tolerant and understanding, if he's not of the same mind and inclinations, there's an excellent chance that a friendship or relationship Jin cherishes, perhaps the only contact he has with this person, could be lost or transformed into something entirely different. Every word studied for nuance, every gesture, every touch could be examined and treated with suspicion. Putting the genie back into the bottle ain't that easy.

But what if this guy really is the love of Jin's life? Those of you (like me) who might feel like you've found your soulmate may know what I'm talking about here. If someone is the one, THE one, keeping silent, keeping the distance, being friends may just not be an option. And that just means you're gambling with your very heart, gambling everything because what you want matters that much. The more you are compelled to speak, to act, the more you have to lose, the more it will hurt if your love and heart are rejected with extreme prejudice.

Food for thought. Next, giving some thought to receiving such a confession...

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Diving Into the Uncomfortable

There's a saying in writing - "Write what you know." My friend, Darrell B Nelson, says, "Write what you don't know." I'm not an advocate for either approach - both have their benefits and drawbacks - but I'm a strong believer in good characters, strong characters, characters that challenge the mindset of the average (American) reader as they are my most likely audience.

Historically, my characters have been, to an extent, modeled on myself or my husband, on people we know and interacted with, combined with varying amounts of imagination. I'll still do that, but I want to give my characters more depth and an expanded viewpoint from what I have. So, as a lover of knowledge and advocate for research, I have always exhaustively delved into cultures and histories that fascinated me. Since my interests are eclectic, that means I can name most kings of England and not a single one for Prussia, for example (in fact ,that whole Prussia/Holy Roman Empire thing still confuses me a bit). I've read Russian history and studied it for my own edification. I've read about the different Chinese dynasties and histories and the same with Japan. I find it fascinating, noting particularly the differences in how cultures deal with different but comparable issues.

That education in multi-culturism (which is not, by any means, complete) helps me when world building or culture building so I'm not restricted to Western notions of life or right and wrong, etc. I can tailor necessities to the circumstances. Some of what I learned made me more confident pointing out physical differences and addressing those between characters (i.e. characters of different color or, in some cases, species). I've frequently butted headfirst into the stereotypes of men and women as well, using, defying or ignoring them as required to tell a good story.

Well, I've stumbled onto a new area of research that I haven't really pursued before, through a very unexpected source. Smut.

Now, don't get me wrong. I've stumbled over smut before. I have seen a representative smattering of what I tend to think of as man smut (like pornographic films and the like), which has never appealed to me, and more than my fair share of woman smut, usually in the form of "romance" novels but often having no more soul than the average stag film (and frequently objectifying women as much or more than the male counterpart) . I don't object to sex in my novels (or films), but novels or films that are nothing but excuses to parade prurient scenes have never interested me.

Novels that tell good stories that have believable/likable/fascinating characters where sex also occurs, however, I've always enjoyed just fine. Possibly still counting as smut, but not JUST smut. Smut with substance, or is that an oxymoron?

Well, I've found a hitherto untapped selection of smut, different than I'm used to, and I have to admit my interest has been piqued. Just as shoujo manga rekindled my interest in romantic stories by having characters I loved and cherishing people who actually were capable of adult self-control (as opposed to those romances full of "adults"), I have discovered a resource for expanding my outlook on a group of people I'm woefully ignorant of: homosexuals.

Now, if you get the willies just hearing the term or are militantly anti-gay, you might as well stop reading here. And this will probably bleed over into several posts, so you're forewarned. On the other hand, if you want to expand what you understand on this subject, as I did, perhaps you should read forward, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Now, just because I'm not confident to write a gay persona doesn't mean I don't know any gay people. I do. Quite probably more than I think I do. Nor have I ever had the slightest heartburn with people finding happiness with whoever made them happiest, gender notwithstanding. I have never felt otherwise and don't now.

But I also knew that, as a heterosexual girl, I had very little insight into the world of same-gender romance, lifestyles and interactions. Even where I could speculate regarding girls, I was hopelessly clueless when it came to gay men except what I've seen peripherally in films and such. For that reason, I have really not assayed gay characters. I don't object to them, but I'd want to portray them realistically. I know they're people like anyone else, but they have different issues than many of the rest of us.

Recent, an otaku acquaintance of mine suggested a number of mangas, including "Betrayal Knows My Name" which I'm enjoying. Apparently, there's a yaoi element attached to it (yaoi being the manga term for boy-boy romantic manga, which is popular with girls too, apparently), so bunches of yaoi jumped into my amazon.com recommendations. So, although I'd never been interested in it, I checked some out.

And became fascinated.

Not with the acts depicted (and most are pretty graphic about it) nor about wishing I could indulge. I'm not properly equipped and the flexibility required (apparently) is rather daunting. I became fascinated with the stories, the scenarios, the characters in this or that yaoi.

Now, don't get me wrong, much of it is smut smut, in the truest sense of the word: "stories" and characters brought together with little fanfare as an excuse to show sex. That pales quickly. And, yaoi, even more than man porn but perhaps less than woman porn, lends itself to force and violence more than average. Stories at least skirting the edge of pederasty are also common (at least in the one's I've read so far), so not all good. I don't like rape or child abuse, I don't care which genders are involved. (Note, however, that "child" is a term I'm using loosely since the age of consent in Japan is 13 and everyone is well over that.).

But, I have also found profound food for thought, not only into the challenges and interactions for gays, particularly in a world that stigmatizes them based on their sexual preferences, but also in what they're looking for, how they interact, and both the parallels and disconnects with romantic relationships between men and women. Also, what makes them different from "regular" men and what doesn't.

So, though what I'm learning is coming from manga, where I'll best be able to use what I learn is writing, so I'll be writing about it here.

Starting next time.

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How I'll Know I'll Have Made It

I'm not talking about being published, though, of course, that would likely have to happen first. And I'm not talking about book sales, though, naturally, that would be nice, too.

But I don't just want to be a successful writer in the monetary sense. I want to write good books, books that touch people with characters that people care about. And I think I know now how to to know when that happens.

I spend odd moments checking on the Skip Beat! forum using my new android phone. It's a nice distraction and I enjoy speculating about what will be happening next in this long-running manga and gushing over it with other enthusiasts. 'Cause, hey, I'm an otaku. But I've discovered something.

You know when characters have really touched people when readers get really really angry defending one over the other or determining who's better at this or that. Star Trek, you find some true fans, start laying into one captain or another and they'll come out swinging.

I've been listening to the talk on the forum, one of the threads all about which of our romantic leads, who both struggled in childhood, had it harder or more painful. The son of the celebrity quietly struggling to live up to his father's regard and dealing with brutal bullying vs. the girl ignored and marginalized by a mother who left her in the care of others most of her life.

We've only seen flashbacks on the two individuals and have some information on the impact each of their pasts have had on them. Both are strong individuals with scars and baggage they are largely working through together. Why in the world would it matter which had it technical harder than the other.

But people get passionate and figuratively shake fists and forgo courtesy, telling anyone who doesn't see it "their" way they're stupid or they aren't reading things, yadda yadda yadda.

I'm not saying I want people to become assholes because they care about the characters in my books, but it says something, something important, that a reader can be passionate about a character, passionate about who they end with , what happens to them, how other fans see the characters they love.

When readers get spun up defending your characters, as a writer it says that you wrote characters that touched people, that pulled out emotion, that mattered to people enough they would defend the fictional histories or personalities traits to other readers.

That's what I want my readers to do. When I have readers fighting among themselves on whether Dylan Chroz or Xander would win the bout on Jeopardy! (which is silly because Dylan would win unless Dante da Silva was playing, what with his 700+ years of experience to draw on). I want people to yell at the book, "Watch out!" or "You bastard!" or "You just made a real mistake, pal."

When people defend the people I've created against other fans, that's when I'll know:

I've done it. I've touched them and made up people that strangers have adopted, loved and identified with.

I'll have done what I set out to do.

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Swamped

You ever been hit with scenes so quickly you can't get 'em on paper quick enough? And, of course, they would bombard me when I'm working overtime like mad for three weeks.

Not necessarily in the order I'm writing it, of course. I'm planning some rather complex interactions between characters and I've been having fun thinking of scenes between all my interesting characters. In fact, before I know it, they've gotten away from me and I know I'm dabbling in books I'm not even writing yet.

Not that I'm having trouble when I sit down and move forward in the actual book, during those brief snatches of time when I can actually write. It seems to flow pretty effortlessly, too. So, I can't complain...

Except, with so many scenes and so little time, blogging is likely to fall by the wayside until I get a lull in something, either my work schedule or the flood of scenes I enjoy.

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Paranormal vs. Fantasy/Science Fiction

I was reading a series of books a friend recommended to me, quite a successful series I believe, the Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton that should have been right up my alley. Some attempts at humor, generally kickass heroine who is center stage, weird happenings everywhere.

Except I didn't. Nothing wrong with those that like it. We can't all like the same things. There were a few reasons for this for me, and I can go into them, but I'm not sure they're all important. What I noted after reading the first book was that I only liked one character, Jean-Claude (because apparently becoming a vampire negates the necessity of a last name), a vampire Anita threatened to kill a few times and who was in, what, fifty pages of the book? I liked him well enough to try a second book, but kept running into the same issue (and a few new ones). I just didn't like the main character. There were a few reasons for this, too, like hypocrisy and doing idiotic things, being blase about killing her "friends" one minute and willing to die for them the next, etc. But I could have forgiven all of that if I had liked the essential her. And I figured out why: to her, what you are is more important than who.

One reason I generally haven't been part of the recent vampire fetish (Twilight doesn't count - they're nothing like vampires and besides, that's not why I liked it) is because I never understood the big deal with vampires. They've never seemed inherently interesting. Having a story centered around vampires, to my way of thinking, isn't any different in concept from having a story centered around Elves in Middle Earth or lizardians on Seti Omega Nine. They're all stories about people, whether gifted or scaly or sparkly or what-have-you. The rules and priorities change, depending on specific needs, but the story about people inherently is the same. That's how it is to me, because I was raised on Science Fiction and Fantasy, on the original Star Trek, on Heinlein. In Fantasy/Science Fiction, who you are always outranked what you were. It was one way you had to tell the good guys from the bad guys. Bad guys were all concerned with the color of your skin, whether you had hair or feathers, which end you broke on your boiled egg. Good guys either knew better or learned better over the course of the story.

What seems to be going on in paranormal is an entirely different thing, where being some sort of something different inherently makes one evil. True, you might fight your evil side and, if you can fight it indefinitely, you could be accepted as redeemed by normal people, but you don't get the benefit of the doubt. You're evil until proven otherwise. And there are no limits to the level or extent of evil you are as something "other," it comes with the extra powers like a promotional extra. So, if you're a protagonist who happens to be something other, you have to indefinitely fight the inherent evil in you. If you're not an "other," you can kill all the others you like to your hearts content, 'cause, hey, they're evil.

To me that's a throwback to the "The only good Injun is a dead Injun," and "Only good Jew is a dead Jew," kind of thinking I've always abhorred. And, truthfully, thought we were finally outgrowing. Pity.

I have a problem with that kind of thinking. I don't think anything is inherently evil (or, for that matter, inherently good). I think how someone is treated should a direct result of what they do and who they are, not what they happen to be (unless that's something like a serial rapist). In my books, that notion is a recurring theme, the basis for how my characters interact and grow. I had started to worry that the notion was outdated, that I'd be preaching to the choir.

Apparently not.

Guess I don't write paranormal after all.

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The Vagaries of Writing

I do not write like many other writers. Many people are advocates for the write-every-day-no-matter-what method and more power to them. I can't do that. It's not laziness on my part, though, of course, I am lazy. I literally cannot write like that because my brain works differently than normal people. While I go through my day to day reading and workin' and blogging and reading blogs, and otakuing, and watching kids and stuff, my subconscious takes everything I'm exposed to and plays with it, tweaks it, fillets it, combining it with work I started but that petered out or was going in the wrong direction, and ideas I've had that I haven't quite figured out what to do with.

Then, most likely when I'm desperately busy with something, it will push out the new story and say, "Write this, write this now" and I'll be filling every free minute (and not so free minute) with writing and crafting and putting down dialog and refining a few details my subconscious left so my conscious mind wouldn't feel useless. The good news is that it will come out (based on the last four works) pretty clean, with perhaps a little rearranging and a bit of polishing but really not requiring a serious overhaul. And, as I write it, I'll love it like I'm my own fan, tickled at my own jokes and falling in love with this or that character. It's sadly narcissistic but there you have it.

It's, in fact, very gratifying to write that way...except, in between these sessions where I'm all but hemorrhaging fiction, I have nothing to write and feel a bit useless. This is compounded by the realization that my subconscious is clearly working on something but, and this is the kicker, I have no idea what it might be. It could be something I started that needs to be finished. It could be the next sequel in my Bete novel series. It could be my husband's novel he's been wanting me to finish for some bloody time now (though that's partially his fault - we've written nearly 200,000 words on it, but we have to keep starting over as his idea grows up). It could be a couple of the ideas I've been kicking around that I think have promise.

Or it could be something completely different, something I hadn't even thought of. So that all the work I have languishing will continue to languish as I gush over something completely unexpected (which happened last time). Pity really. I like much of the stuff that's languishing, but I'm afraid to tackle it without my subconscious (which does the GREAT writing) in case it gets all uppity and refuses to help at all. Which it is prone to do. Sigh.

It could just be that my subconscious wants me to start actively marketing the work it's already done. Which is actually a good idea.

Sigh again.

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