I'm an Idiot

>> Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I'm an idiot. Back a year or so ago, my good friend helped me with a query by making it far different than my normal type. After reading Query Shark, I was so certain I had it nailed and knew what I "really" wanted, that I left this behind.

Except, I just read it again. What was I thinking? This is great. THIS is what my book is about.

It wasn’t enough that women from Tander’s tribe had been stolen, including his wife, Layla, or that those who had stolen them had nefarious plans. And phenomenal magic powers. And could escape in seconds. And an underground fortress in the midst of frozen mountains so cold Tander was afraid he’d shatter if he stumbled one more time. It wasn’t enough that he was surrounded by angry husbands worried about their wives and willing to take their tempers out on him if he was leading them in the wrong direction. It wasn’t enough that he was also surrounded by the remaining women from his tribe who were equally angry and more than capable of kicking his butt.

No, on top of all those little issues, he discovered he's no longer “just” an extraordinary swordsman, but also a great and powerful sorcerer with absolutely no idea how to use his powers. He was not just any sorcerer, either, but one chosen by six tiny kitten familiars who do know how to use his powers and who have no problem telling him. All the time. While they demand to carried all over his person, purring and taking inopportune naps. He didn’t want these powers or a flock of noisy but helpful kittens, but he'll need them. He'll need all the skills and talents he and his companions possess in order to save their women—and Layla.

But we love you, Tander! Solace insisted, purring and licking his neck.

Things have got to get better soon.
Damn. I should have just left well enough alone.


  • The Mother

    I like it.

    Perhaps it's just my ego, but I genuinely believe that I'm better at defining my own vision than someone else.

  • Stephanie Barr

    It was my friend that inspired what's above and help create it.

    I just thought I'd start from scratch now that I "got" it. Except, clearly I didn't.

  • Jeff King

    I know querying sucks, and writing one is dreadful and filled with anxiety.
    If I had a good piece of advice about what you have written I would give it.

    Without reading the manuscript it is hard to say if this sums up the book correctly. By judging the query on a standalone basis I would say this: Key point should be the hook, then story then tease me about the ending so I want to find out what happens. To me I am not hooked nor teased to find out what happens… but then again I am one person who’s opinion doesn’t matter, you can’t change every time someone doesn’t like what you’re doing.

    Remember this: Query Letter Essentials
    But how do you "sell" an editor on your article when you have no more than a page to explain your concept and display your writing skill? The answer is: By including everything the editor needs to know about your article -- and about you.

    A successful query letter generally includes these five basic components:
    • The hook
    • The pitch
    • The body
    • The credentials (if you have them, if not leave out)
    • The close

    Just remember it’s about story… who, when, where and why.

    Hope it helped, I know it probably didn’t… writing a query is like finding god, it’s a personal thing no one can find for you—you must unlock it for yourself.

  • Jeff King

    I just through this together, taking what I could gleam from your query to a way I would write it… who knows maybe it will help and maybe it will confuse you worse. Either way good luck… take it for what it is.

    Returning home from a long hunting trip Tander discovered his village in ruins. A raiding party of powerful magic wizards had taken a large group of women captive, namely his wife Layla. Tander must rally his tribe and set off on a long and treacherous journey to the underground fortress deep inside the frozen mountains.

    On his journey he saves a flock of kittens from certain death. Discovering these are not merely kittens, but a hidden group of familiars with ancient knowledge of powerful magic. For his show of bravery and selflessness they decide to teach him how to use the lost powers and aid him in the attempt to rescue their women.

    Time is running out to learn enough magic to combat the dark wizard’s plan to sacrifice his women at the blood altar.

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