Pussy(cats) Galore is on its way! - Releases July 30 - Showcasing "A Familiar Tale"

>> Monday, June 24, 2019

If you've been following me for any length of time, you had to know it was coming. I've had cats wandering in and out of my stories so long, wreaking havoc or fixing everything, that it was only a matter of time before I wrote a book of stories all about cats.

If you love cats or knows someone that does, you've got the perfect gift (yes, you can gift yourself!).
Available for preorder at several on-line retailers for $2.99 (for a limited time)!


Cats.

Fluffy, soft, and cuddly, 

Keepers of the amazing purr.

Vicious, deadly killing machines.

That choose to share their lives with us.

Science fiction kitties saving lives. Cat shifters. Vampire kitties. Ghost kitties. Zombie kittes. Even angel kitties. Every shape and size of cats, but each with their incredible catness and dual personalities intact. There's a kitty for everyone here.

Twenty stories celebrating the mystery, magic and mayhem of cats by someone who loves them like you do.

  Not enough to convince you? Well, here's a sample, something that might even feel familiar...



A Familiar Tale


You can find this story in another of my anthologies, Conjuring Dreams, but it's such a good example of cat story that I included it here as well as a bit of fun. It was also published in Elphame Realms Issue #2 (no longer available).


"Where the hell have you been, Shimmer?" Darima said, slamming the spellbook she was reading back on the table.
Shimmer raised expressionless eyes, one green, one blue, to Darima's angry face, but made no reply, sitting down on the windowsill she entered through. It mattered not at all that the window was closed. It was part of the magic of her kind that there were no doors or windows locked to her.
"Well?" Darima insisted, tapping a satin-shod foot. "Where?"
Humans are the worst busybodies, Shimmer purred in her mind. I don't see my whereabouts being your business. She padded silently along the windowsill and then leapt lightly to the table Darima sat at.
"When a potion I've been working on all yesterday hardens to useless muck because my familiar decides to choose that night to explore, it damn well is my business. It's my job on the line, here. It's bad enough I have to waste my considerable talents..."
Our considerable talents, Shimmer corrected.
"Our considerable talents on a trivial love potion for the king's pimply son, but, since the first potion blew up in our faces, we have to do it more than once." She pointed an accusing finger in Shimmer's face, which Shimmer was washing unconcerned.
So?
"So, you never admitted what went wrong, Shimmer. It's not like you to let a spell go awry."
For the first time, Shimmer looked a little guilty. It's not my fault I'm not a truly black cat, she said defensively, stroking down fur black at its base but lightening to a silvery gray at the ends.
"You can do anything a black cat can do and you know it. I think you just weren't concentrating!"
Maybe you weren't concentrating.
Damira was forced to choke down a hot denial, well aware that this was far more likely. It did not, however, improve her temper. "So where were you?"
Jealous? You have been irritable ever since Sendat left, Shimmer observed dispassionately.
"Sendat was a moron," Damira snapped.
I mentioned that when you first met him, if you remember.
A sudden suspicion struck Damira. "Did you go and get pregnant last night?"
I don't have to answer these personal questions, Shimmer huffed.
"Did you?"
Silence.
"Damn it, Shimmer, you know it screws up everything when you're pregnant. We're liable to give Prince Quorn a potion that will turn him into a bumblebee instead of love potion!"
I didn't get pregnant last night, well not entirely, Shimmer said with a touch of apology.
"Shimmer! So that's what happened with the last potion! Darner take you, cat. I'll look the fool if I can't produce a simple love potion. What kind of court sorceress am I?"
I'm in heat. What kind of cat would I be if I worried about your pride at a time like this? It's not as though your job were hanging on this. Sorceresses of your caliber are few and far between and King Morthand surely knows this.
"And he pays dearly for the privilege, too. You can't explain that sorcery requires the abilities of a talented cat, in proper non-pregnant health, and a magically adept chemist with a sensitivity to that cat's mind. He just knows he want magic when he wants it. His son, too."
Take his son to bed. You're considered pretty enough by human standards. That should quiet him for a while...if you're any good at it.
"Ugh! Spare me! Even if my job were on the line...no! And what do you mean if I'm any good at it?"
Amber, the wartiger at the back of the room, roused from sleep, lifting his massive head from his huge paws. Someone's running up the steps, he told her in his deep mental rumble.
Damira stretched an affectionate hand to his head and scratched beneath his chin, inches from the seven-inch teeth. "It's too bad tigers can't do magic," she mourned.
Tigers have better things to do than waste their time with magic, he said proudly.
Shimmer jumped to the floor and regarded him skeptically. True. After all, one can't have brains and brawn.
Amber made a swipe at her, but she magically disappeared, reappearing on the windowsill. Alright, smarty-cat, why didn't you know someone was running up here?
I did, but I didn't feel the need to act like a door-chime.
You're a pest, Amber snarled, bested.
You're only upset because I'm in heat and you're too big to do a thing about it!
Amber rich laughter rolled through their heads. Talk about delusions of grandeur! You impertinent little bitch!
Oh! Shimmer jumped back to the floor, hair raised all over her body and tail twitching furiously. There was no greater insult for a cat. You'll see what this little cat can do, you stone-headed...
"Damn it, you two, will you behave?" Damira said tiredly. There was an imperious knock on the door. Damira gestured and Shimmer leapt to the waiting shoulder while Damira straightened her gold crusted robes.
"Enter," she said softly, and Shimmer mentally opened the door...partway before it began to close again. Damira kicked it open with her foot and directed a glare to her familiar.
Quickly schooling her features into a model of lofty unconcern that revealed none of her surprise when she recognized the short round figure of her King and employer. Before haughty words of greeting could find their way to her lips, the King pushed the door shut and wrung his hands.
"Witch, this is desperate!" the King wheezed uneasily as more than the usual amount of sweat poured down his face.
"Please, Your Majesty, I prefer sorceress," Damira said disdainfully from her superior height. "What can your lowly servant help you with?"
"Lowly servant?" the King asked, confused. He was more than familiar with the exhorbitant salary this sorceress demanded and he had never noticed any humility in her manner. "Damn it, Damira, this is not for the maid's ears. Send her away!"
From the corner, Amber's earthy rumble echoed across the room. The King sent a glance of terror in the animal's direction and swallowed.
Damira swallowed a sigh. "She is gone. How can I aid you, Your Majesty?"
"A dragon! You must help us!"
"You wish me to conjure a dragon? Whatever for?"
"Conjure a dragon? What kind of nonsense is that? Why would you bring another dragon here when there is already one, smashing and tearing up the countryside? Why I would want another drag--? Can you do that? Call up a dragon? Can you specify colors and sizes?"
"Ah, you want to be rid of a dragon. That makes more sense." She glanced disgustedly at her Shimmer. "I can fit that in in two months' time, alright?"
"Yes, a small dragon, say ten paces long, with green and gold scales--like the royal colors, you know--in a golden cage or better chained to the throne with a golden chain! Ah!"
"Your Majesty."
"Eh? What? Oh, yes, the marauding dragon. Too big, really. Pity. Why they say it's 70 paces long and breathes fire. One can't very well chain a beast of that size to a throne. Not safe. You'll have to get rid of it. Say, by nightfall."
Damira gasped. "Your Majesty, even under the best of circumstances, I couldn't conjure a spell that quickly. I must gather ingredients, look up incantations. Yes, and there is another problem. Today marks the beginning of, er, Sorcerer Solstice where one is restricted from performing magic for two months."
"Sorcerer what? You never made mention of this before."
"It only happens every ten years," Damira said through gritted teeth, fixing her familiar with a horrible stare.
"Why would I pay a salary for two months in which you'll be useless? It should have been mentioned before."
Damira closed her eyes in pain. "I will, of course, forgo my salary for the two months I am unable to be of service."
"That's all well and good for you, but what about the dragon? Can't very well have a dragon going around eating unsuspecting citizens and destroying farmland while sit here, comfortably ensconced in the castle, idle."
"But, Your Majesty..."
But the King lost himself in righteous anger at this ill-usage. Her drew himself to his full height, a handspan or so below Damira's, and fixed Damira with a cold regal eye. "I won't stand for it! I'm the King! You must either dispose of this dragon forthwith or I will immediately dispose of your services."
"Forthwith...?" Damira queried faintly.
"By tomorrow." With that, the King turned on his heel and all but went headfirst into the door. Damira, distracted, forgot appearances and hastened to open it by hand.
Damira leaned against the door, brow furrowed in thought. Shimmer rubbed her head against Damira's cheek and purred apologetically. Damira wasn't impressed. "Well, cat, what have you got to say for yourself?"
Oops.
***
"'It's not as though your job were on the line,'" Damira mocked, swaying with the odd pace of Amber's stride. She was mounted bareback on Amber's back, and, although he had a fine, broad, well-muscled back, Amber was too fluid an animal to be an easy creature to ride.
Shimmer trotted alongside, turning up her nose at sharing Damira's ride. Do let it rest, she suggested.
"It had better work," Damira said again.
I told you, it will work.
"Well, it better. Did I tell you I stayed up all night pounding out this potion?"
Repeatedly.
"Well, I'm just telling you it better work."
How sure are you about your potion?
"Sure enough. I checked it four times."
You were tired.
"You don't have to tell me that! I saw you sleeping in the corner, contemplating motherhood, no doubt. I'm telling you the potion is fine. So, it had better work. Understand?"
Amber rumbled. It will work, Damira. Calm yourself.
"How do you know?"
I'll make a snack of Shimmer if she fails. Satisfied?
"Hmm. Perhaps. There it is!" As she spoke, a dragon glowing in red and violet, soared over their heads, neck craning to see these newcomers. A flicker of flame twitched between its teeth and it spun on a wingtip, sinking to land on an outcrop in front of them. The tales had not exaggerated. The dragon was more than seventy paces from nose to tail tip with a wingspan more than twice that. It stretched its serpentine neck and its head, fully ten paces high, studied her from less than a body length away, with no sign of aggression.
"Shit," Damira muttered, her nerveless fingers fumbling for the potion in a belt pouch. Potion in hand, she slid from Amber's back and reluctantly approached the glistening opalesque eye.
What will you do if that makes a snack of me?
"Just concentrate! Alright, here goes!" Damira crouched, ready to spring away and then tossed the contents of her pouch directly into the dragon's eye. She leapt away and rolled on the ground, trying to get out of reach of the dragon's blindly flailing claws.
"Now, Shimmer, now!"
Yes, yes, I'm trying. Do stop yelling.
"Shimmer, this isn't funny!" One talon protecting its mistreated eye, the dragon turned its head and fixed Damira with its good eye.  The other talon reached for her.
Amber leapt to her defense, throwing its body between the monstrous creature and Damira. The huge cat was childishly tiny next facing up to the dragon. The dragon backed for a moment before it answered Amber's battle cry with a low chuckle from its deep throat. Fire winked its humor in that sulfurous gullet. With a careless flick of the dragon's claw, Amber was sent sprawling.
The dragon turned back to its prey, Damira, only to find itself facing yet another obstacle, this in a minute snip of cat, its tail bristled up to twice its size and its eyes glowing blue and green.
How dare you bat away that proud mighty creature as if it was no great moment! It is the king of cats you defile with your touch and your disdain! Know what it is to face a cat's wrath!
The dragon reared on to its haunches and laughed a great roaring laugh with a geyser of fire and smoke. When it had finished, it eyed the mite of feline anger with an almost affectionate eye and reached for Shimmer.
You asked for it! Shimmer's eyes took on a frightening luminosity and the air crackled round her as before a storm. The dragon inhaled to explode again in laughter, and then disappeared.
Damira blinked dully at the spot so recently filled to overflowing with dragon. "You did it!"
Shimmer sat down casually and began to bathe herself. Of course.
Amber picked himself up gingerly and shook his great head. What did you do, little terror?
See for yourself? From the dust, a golden head lifted itself and observed its surroundings dazedly.
Damira's eyes opened and she scrambled to her feet and she approached warily. The red tabby hissed back, coughing a weak stream of flame, but resisted only half-heartedly. Such a transformation was undoubtedly wearying.
Damira cooed and soothed, then scooped him up in her arms. "Well, that's one problem solved thank goodness. I wonder if he wouldn't be able to help with magic until your kittens are born."
I don't know. He seems smart enough to learn a few rudimentary things. He really is a fine male specimen.
Damira glared at her in disgust. "Shimmer, try to control yourself. A dragon cat will be enough trouble; we certainly don't need a heard of fire-breathing kittens."
I wonder...


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